WRITE HERS BLOCK

Aries Exposed

{Disclaimer: If you have not already done so, please be sure to read the introduction to the Signs Exposed Series’ posts before reading. http://writehersblock.tumblr.com/post/40034360352}

Aries…the sign of the fearless warrior mixed with the undisciplined child. The first sign of the zodiac, Aries have a constant need to dominate and be #1 at everything, hence their argumentative and extremely competitive personalities.

Aries love challenges. They aren’t impressed by people that pursue them or suck up to them. Aries always want what they can’t have.

Aries are bossy, aggressive, oustpoken, impatient, and rude. They are very opinionated and don’t like taking others’ advice unless it’s what they want to hear.

Compulsively impulsive, Aries do not think about consequences before they act. They also never learn from their mistakes.

Aries are very possessive and territorial.

Aries women are usually overly independent, which often conflicts with the male ego. They are also very demanding and temperamental.

Aries men are very irritable and inconsiderate when their needs are not met. Very flirtatious, they want their freedom and hate being tied down.

As for the less evolved Aries, the women are usually airheads, whereas the men lie about their accomplishments and status to make themselves more interesting and appealing.

Pisces Exposed

{Disclaimer: If you have not already done so, please be sure to read the introduction to the Signs Exposed Series’ posts before reading. http://writehersblock.tumblr.com/post/40034360352}

Pisces…the most impressionable sign of the zodiac. They are referred to as “dreamers,” due to their inability to cope with facts and their tendency to escape reality through drugs/alcohol and movies.

Pisces men are the ideal “nice guys” but are usually boring. Pisces women, however, are the epitomes of snobs due to their false sense of arrogance. They are the type that even when you want to like them there is just something about them that makes you feel suspicious and like you can’t trust them.

This is probably because most Pisces are fake, and even when they dislike you and talk negatively about you to others, they’re still nice to your face. They say Pisces are the type to “throw a rock and hide,” or in more relevant terms, the type to maliciously hack into your twitter and then get upset when you rightfully accuse them.

Pisces’ instability of character and dependence on other people’s opinions causes them to be absorbed into their environment, making them followers. Pisces prefer to go with the flow of things rather than to make things happen on their own.

Aquarius Exposed

{Disclaimer: If you have not already done so, please be sure to read the introduction to the Signs Exposed Series’ posts before reading. http://writehersblock.tumblr.com/post/40034360352}

Aquariuses… the know-it-alls (or think-they-know-it-alls) of the Zodiac. Although they think cautiously and logically, Aquariuses are not very expressive. However, when they do express themselves, they do so with immense temperance and calculation.

Usually introverts, Aquariuses are secretive, sneaky and impersonal. They are the epitome of hypocrisy. Unconventional and fixed in their views and beliefs, their superior attitudes are a major turn-off for others.   

In relationships Aquariuses are limited to how emotionally involved they can be and are often better friends than lovers. The female Aquarius is unpredictable, emotionally detached and not much of a romantic, whereas the male Aquarius believes that whatever he does is right and doesnt care for others’ opinions about anything in life.

The common sense of an Aquarius isn’t so common. Obsessed with a general intolerance of the masses and their general consensus, Aquariuses make a conscious effort to be different.

Capricorn Exposed

“What do I think of Capricorns?” you ask. Well besides being goal-, career-, money-, status-, and reputation-oriented people, just one word comes to mind… resourceful.

Overly-calculating and the kings and queens of manipulation, Capricorns know how to get what they want from who they want, and they give just enough to keep receiving. The biggest flexers of them all, Capricorns care more about how things look than how things actually are, and they’re suckers for names and brands.

Cold as December and January winters, Capricorns are inconsiderate and will always put themselves first. While the males are usually chauvinists, the females are usually gold-diggers. Capricorns love spending other people’s money and will always put their money and career before love.

Signs Exposed: Introduction

Astrology… The one subject in which my friends consider me an expert. However, I wasn’t always a believer. It wasn’t until I was about 14-years-old that I was introduced. Skeptical at first, in disbelief that a simple book could tell me about myself, I grabbed one of my mother’s astrology books, “Astrology for Lovers” written by Psychological Astrologer Liz Greene. Astonished at the dead-on accuracy of what she had written about my sign and the person I was dating at the time, I immediately became intrigued.

10 years later, I’m still getting daily calls from my friends (and friends of friends), asking me what I think about Leos, Geminis, Virgos, etc. Therefore, each month, starting with Capricorn, I am going to release a post on the shadow of each sign.

What’s in the dark will eventually come to light, right?! Why not know the worst in advance? This way you can use this information to better understand others and improve yourself.

P.S. There will be no tongue-biting or sugar-coating. Instead of posts primarily-based on information I’ve read, my posts will be based on various personal observations and encounters. Enjoy!

EVOLUTION OF GOLD-DIGGERS

“Now I’m not saying (he’s) a gold-digger, but (he) isn’t messing with any broke …….”

     Now according to evolutionary theories regarding mate preferences, it has been known since the beginning of time that when choosing a long-term mate the two main qualities males look for are beauty and nurturing skills, whereas females look for stability and security. However, as times are changing and women are becoming more financially independent and ambitious, it seems as though men are becoming lazier.

     Today a lot of men are lacking ambition and education. As opposed to the theories of evolution, I’d say that these days women are relying less on men for financial stability and security, and men are becoming pickier about the women they choose. Instead of men choosing a mate primarily based on her looks and nurturing skills like they used to, there are many men who are now concerned with finding a mate that can provide the stability and security that they themselves were once expected to provide.

     Have the two sexes of the human race switched roles or something? Why are we seeing so many men these days with independent but not-so-attractive females…and women with men that are physically attractive but financially and ambitiously inferior to them? Now I’m not at all implying that we need to take it back to the “old days” when men were the primary bread-winners, and women handled the domestic duties. I’m just stressing that women are definitely not the only gold-diggers out there.

     Preferring a mate who is financially stable and comfortable doesn’t make you a gold-digger IF you are just as financially stable or ambitious as the other person. In fact, you should want someone who compliments (not completes) you in every way, including financially. It is when you EXPECT MORE (financially) from a potential mate than YOU are WILLING to do YOURSELF that makes you a “GOLD-DIGGER.”

66% OR SINGLE?

     As a single woman, you’re always faced with the infamous question: “Why are you single?” I decided to take the time to once and for all explain so that men will understand why most women are single, and women will no longer have to answer this very common yet annoying question.

When assessing your attraction to someone, there are three contributing elements:

1) 33% is PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, which includes but is not limited to: one’s facial appearance, body, weight, height, style, smile,  physical health and how one dresses.

2) 33% is PERSONALITY, which includes but is not limited to: one’s mentality, cognition, behavior, communication, sense of humor, wit and intelligence.    

 3) 33% FINANCIAL STABILITY, which includes but is not limited toL one’s socioeconomic status, education, career, ambitions, debt, income and outcome.

The remaining 1% equals the doubt… the feeling that something is missing. It’s symbolic for the fact that no one will ever be 100% satisfied in a relationship. You just have to learn to work with what you have. Therefore, to those seeking perfection, just do yourself a favor and settle for 99%. Otherwise, you’ll be looking for something that simply doesn’t exist because there will always be temptation, curiosity, doubt, and the desire for more.

However, the problem is that these days a lot of females can’t even find 99%. It seems guys now only come in 2/3 packages… meaning you’ll rarely find a man who meets all of the requirements physically, personality-wise and financially.

You’ll either:

1) Find a guy who’s attractive and has an appealing personality, but he’s broke as hell and seems to have nothing going for himself.

2) Find a guy who’s attractive and does meet the financial requirements, but he’s either an overly cocky, arrogant, self-absorbed asshole, or he’s just a boring, lame, cornball who doesn’t offer any excitement or passion whatsoever.

3) Find a guy who has a great personality and is financially stable, but he’s not at all physically appealing, cant dress for shit, and has no swag/style about him at all.

You RARELY find all three in ONE MAN, and when you are lucky enough to come across ‘the exception’…. he’s already taken. That leaves a girl like me that has the whole package (looks, personality & financial stability), with three options: Settle for 66%… settle with being a side-chick… or remain single.

So fellas, from now on instead of asking a woman why she’s single, just look at the guys around you and what they really have to offer… and you’ll see for yourself.

THE DEPTHS OF INFIDELITY

“You love (him) like words can’t explain, for (him) to feel the same is all you want to gain.”

     While the occurrence of infidelity is nothing uncommon amongst men (especially in Atlanta, where the ratio of women to men is 10 to 1) some of the excuses and rationalizations you hear from men these days may have women feeling as if they’re better off single than in a relationship. Just the other day a group of guys said to me, “You NEVER want to be the girlfriend, the side chick gets more benefits”. Of course my immediate response is that it’s the man who’s getting all the benefits, but that’s the obvious.

     Anyways, so I began to compare and contrast the two roles. Here you have a side chick who pretty much gets everything that the girlfriend gets EXCEPT that one thing… the TITLE, which comes along with what? Public acknowledgement? Lovey-dovey pictures posted on social networking sites? A relationship status verification via facebook? HOW MUCH is that TITLE really worth? Is it worth your freedom… the freedom of talking to other people and being able to do what you want with no questions? Because that’s what the side chick has that you don’t.

     While you’re at home with that TITLE, being the loyal and faithful girlfriend you’re supposed to be, there’s a single non-committed woman out there getting everything else you get FROM YOUR MAN. And we all know that what’s in the dark always finds a way to the light, ESPECIALLY with today’s technology and social networking sites, and when it does… that same title that you worked so hard for and invested so much time and energy into… that once made you feel so special and exclusive, backfires and in the end has you looking like Mashonda after Swizz Beats left her for Alicia Keys.

Now the question isn’t really whether it’s better being the side chick or the girlfriend… to each her own. The question is: HOW DO YOU deal with the situation?

#1) NO WOMAN IS INVINCIBLE.

        Take your man off a pedestal. “Show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of sleeping with her.” With that said, there are two types of cheating. There are the random one night stands, and there are the love affairs. The love affairs are the ones you really need to look out for. Unlike the one-night-stand cheater, they involve more than just a physical and sexual attraction. They involve a mental and emotional connection, and the majority of the time the only thing keeping them apart are their current circumstances. In this situation, although the woman and the man have this secret relationship, it is still a relationship that is built on truth and trust, whereas the trust and honesty you two once had is fading more and more as the affair continues. Plus, remember what Tyrese said to Yvette in Babyboy when he got caught up, “I tell these hoes the truth. I lie to you to protect your feelings.” Well if that’s the case, I don’t know about you, but I much rather know the truth and handle my own damn feelings because while he’s out there protecting your feelings, he sure as hell isn’t protecting your body while he’s messing around… nor is he protecting the future of your relationship.

#2) NEVER BLAME THE FEMALE.

       If you spend all your energy and time blaming another woman, what are you going to do the next time he cheats? Keep going after the woman while your man is consistently messing around on you? Remember the woman doesn’t owe you anything. It’s not her responsibility to ensure that your man is faithful… its yours and your man’s. Therefore, before you analyze what she’s doing you need to analyze what it is you’re doing or not doing that could be influencing him to look elsewhere. Besides we all know men like the chase, so nine times out of 10 it’s not her who’s chasing him, it’s he who’s chasing her. That’s even more of a reason for you to be holding your man responsible instead of the other woman, so let go of that whole home-wreckers myth (which was probably created by a man who got caught up and couldn’t take responsibility for his actions, so he put it on the other woman), and stop blaming the Alicias.

#3) KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE & YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER.

        Believe it or not, women can often sympathize for each other if approached respectfully. If you have an idea who the side chick is, it would be to your advantage not to come at her wrong and immediately become her enemy… for two reasons. For one, you never know when you may need her as a source of information. Secondly, instantly becoming her enemy is just making it more of a competition for yourself, giving her more of a reason not to spare your feelings and to disregard you and your relationship completely. 

#4) WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET HIM GO.

         Sometimes girlfriends and side chicks get so caught up with the competition that they never stop to think whether the man they’re fighting for is really even  worth it all. Obviously, if it has lasted this long, the man clearly doesn’t know what the hell he wants and doesn’t really respect either woman as much as he should, which means he probably doesn’t even respect himself. A cheating man is a representation of weakness. A person who is inadequate and not complete themselves cannot give their all into a relationship with someone else. This is why they use other women to try to satiate that feeling of incompleteness by replacing the things that are missing from their lives with other women. Even in Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, he stresses that a man never wants to get seriously involved in a relationship until he has his shit together and is financially stable and content with his life. Sometimes the man just needs to be left alone so he can be single. This way it can be up to him to decide who he wants, and he won’t just remain stuck in a situation because he feels obligated to. Instead, the time and energy that this man is putting into a girlfriend and a side chick could be spent on getting his career and finances together. If not, both of you women are going to end up being used as a crutch, which will prevent him from focusing on what he really needs, and will ultimately be dissatisfied. Then eventually when he does get his shit together, he’s going to want a woman just as successful as him. And since you and the side chick were so occupied with him, you lost grip of your own life, and somehow he’s transferred his inadequacies and incompleteness onto you. 

        At the end of the day you just have to ask yourself, is he really worth the bullshit that you’re dealing with and creating for yourself? And the answer to that question, well of course, depends on your self-worth.

CIRCLES

“Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.”   ~Newton’s 1st Law of Motion 

   You know when you first start talking to someone and you both have a mutual interest in each other and are going through the “keeping the other on their toes” phase? Everything’s exciting, mysterious and full of possibilities. Everything’s new and taintless. The chemistry is there and the connection is strong…mentally, emotionally, and physically. You both are feeling each other and the possibilities of each other. So you take the risk of seeing what this connection is capable of.

     Of course, as time goes on and you both get to know each other more, the ‘beginning’ phase ends and the relationship will either develop or diminish. BUT what if the connection grows stronger but the relationship doesn’t develop, and you and the other person never make it past this phase? What if you both are so content with the other, and in fear of this deep and rare connection diminishing, somehow you end up trapped in the ‘beginning phase’?

     Like in ‘Ground Hog Day’, you relive the beginning over and over and over. Although you know you both are capable of so much more, you never get to experience it. The redundancy is like riding on a never-ending merry-go-round that keeps spinning at the same rate and speed. Though you enjoy the ride, you can only be so patient. You can only endure the monotony for so long. Eventually, even though it’s consistent and still spinning, you have to just take the risk…and JUMP OFF!

…”AND IT HURTS LIKE BRAND NEW SHOES”

Every day on your way home from work you walk past this store. A store you normally don’t even go to, let alone look in the display window. However, one day as you approach this store, a pair of simple yet so sophisticated shoes seem to catch your eye. Although you brush off any desire and curiosity and continue walking, in the back of your mind you can’t help but to wonder how they’d look on your feet. You think to yourself, “They’re probably overpriced.” Plus you have the average-size foot for a woman, so they’re probably already out of your size. Not to mention you already have a similar pair at home in your closet waiting on you. Therefore, for days you reasonably resist them and continue to remind yourself of all the possible things that could prevent you from acquiring these shoes. But now every time you pass the window you can’t help but look in the window just to see if they’re still there.

As your resistance for these shoes increases, so does your desire and curiosity. Until one day, for some reason your tendency to resist temptation is not there. You decide to go into the store with only the intention of trying them on just to satiate the curiosity and prove to yourself that your desire for them is much more than their worth. So with no doubt in your mind you go into the store and ask for a size 7 1/2.

You only have one shoe on and you already feel disappointed…because they fit PERFECTLY. You walk towards the mirror and you’re even more astonished because they look great too. ”Wait a minute. This wasn’t the plan,” you say to yourself. You immediately take them off, throw them back into the box and rush out of the store. The second you get home you walk straight towards the closet and try on your old Steve Maddens. “Yes! They still fit perfectly.” But as you look in the mirror you don’t see the same person you used to when you wore these shoes. Something’s different. For a second you almost wish you never even walked into the store because now you’re wondering whether you should have bought them. 

Your mind goes back and forth. You wonder should you start over and spend more money and time on purchasing this new pair that you’re going to have to break-in all over again, or should you just look pass the scuffs and love the first pair as you did before?

Then you suddenly realize that it’s not about deciding between the two. It’s about stopping and taking the time to really look at something and acknowledge what it is and what it isn’t. You want the new shoes merely because they’re new and not yet scuffed…but sooner or later, just like the old ones, the new ones will scuff and wear out. Will you no longer be satisfied with them and just replace them with another pair? Sometimes it just takes trying on a brand new pair just to realize how perfectly the old pair fits.                                                      

IS ANYTHING YOU’RE SAYING BRAND NEW?

     I have this pet peeve that I’m sure many would not consider a pet peeve at all, but I really do not like it when a guy (especially a guy I just started talking to) constantly compliments me on my physical features. Like seriously, if you think I’m sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. don’t you think I’ve heard all that before? Of course it’s nice to hear every once and a while, but when you hear the same thing over and over again you start to become immune to it, and it starts losing meaning. No one wants to hear the same exact story a thousand times, so why would I want to hear the same compliment a thousand times?

     Tell me something I don’t know. Men are constantly saying that they’re different from each other and hate being compared, well then stop saying and doing the same things….or else you’re all the same in my book. Instead of complimenting me on the obvious, tell me something that will set you apart from the others. For example, just the other day this guy told me I had very captivating eyes, and as much as I get complimented on my eyes, I never heard that one before.

     So guys, I’m not telling you to stop complimenting women…just stop being so cliche, and say something different for once. Take the time to get to know us a little more, so you can tell us something that we’ll appreciate. Then again, you don’t have to take my advice, but just remember…while men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears. So what you say is far more valuable than how you look.

“You see them other guys pay mind to your physical features…and I can admire your body, but your mind is much deeper.”  -Wale

(Photography By: Douglas Nelson)